Sample Script

The idea of experimenting with how 'The Office' would work in Northern Ireland, lead me to try something different with one of the early episodes. Using 'Diversity Day' (Episode Two of Season One) as a solid example, I went through the script and picked one of my favourite scenes, not only for its comedic value but also for the starting to learn more about these characters; and in doing so, I changed around some of the writing to help it fit more with the attitude and religions of Northern Ireland.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY - DAY ONE

Michael is passing around a basket full of index cards.

MICHAEL

Okay. Things have been a little slow to catch fire, I'm not blaming anyone but I mean if you had of asked Cian here to help with the 11th July, he would've been faster burning his own flag than you guys were at exactly understanding my methods.

Cian raises his eyebrow and glares at Michael.

Eoghan draws "WELSH" and puts it on his forehead. Aine draws "PROTESTANT" and Elizabeth draws "CATHOLIC". Mark draws "JEHOVAH'S WITNESS". Michael places a card on his own card: "THE QUEEN"

MICHAEL

The British Constitution has always been puzzling and always will be.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD:

MICHAEL

(wearing "The Queen" index card)

Why? Because the Queen literally rules the World. And yes, she doesn't exactly swing the Catholic way, but that little wave of hers, gets her out of controversial trouble all the time.

Michael imitates the Queen's wave to the camera as he pretends to drink tea, with his pinky pointed up.

MICHAEL
(in a posh English accent)

Oh deary me, those Northern Ireland ones need me to come save them. Have they never heard that tea cures the soul?

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY - DAY ONE

Michael pushes Aine ("PROTESTANT") and Elizabeth ("CATHOLIC") together.

MICHAEL

Is it Halloween yet? Because these sparklers are about to fly!

Aine and Elizabeth begin a forced conversation.

AINE

Erm, hi. How're you?

ELIZABETH

Good. You?

AINE

Fine. I like how we get an extra holiday each year.

ELIZABETH

I like that we're cheaper than Euros.

AINE
I like how confident you are walking around Belfast with ash on your forehead all day.

ELIZABETH
I like how, er... you keep us warm, you know, when we get cold in July.

Both take the index cards off their heads, Michael runs over to them, disappointed.

MICHAEL

No! You weren't meant to take them off!

AINE

Michael really? I mean, how many religions can you give us? 

ELIZABETH

You know where we live don't you?

MICHAEL

Yes of course I do. But look what I gave Eoghan!

AINE

Welsh is not a religion.

MICHAEL

Depends on the way you look at it.

ELIZABETH 

Welsh is a language, as is a person from Wales.

MICHAEL

Yeah but those Welsh are a little weird with their sheep shag-

AINE

Michael, they don't do that!

MICHAEL

How do you know that?

ELIZABETH

Everyone knows it's a myth, it has been for centuries.

MICHAEL

Exactly, myths. Myths originated from religious times. Boom. Therefore it's a religion.

AINE

No it's really not-

Elizabeth puts her hand on Michael shoulder.

ELIZABETH

You know, I would love you to play the game with Eoghan, just so you can explain it to him.

MICHAEL

Well I'm sure as hell not having you two butcher the game again.

Elizabeth and Aine shake their heads as they leave the conference room but eagerly sit to listen to Michael's conversation with Eoghan.

END OF SCENE.